Thanks, Shea Moisture. In light of your recent marketing snafu, I realized that like you, I was a fraud. Maybe I was even worse than Shea Moisture, because I knew I wanted to prioritize Black women and I never did.
When I published, My Husband Didn’t Make Me Happy, my inbox was flooded with emails. I was surprised, by the number of comments and emails I received from people who thought that me valuing my own happiness was selfish. Weak. Greedy. Immature. Who was I, to have the audacity to expect and demand happiness?
So here is how I express my feminism. I have decided to be unapologetically happy. I will love myself unconditionally. I will not be shaped, defined, or moved by the patriarch’s opinion on who I should or shouldn’t be.
What makes fear particularly dangerous is that it is driven by beliefs and not by fact. Beliefs are inherently biased, flawed, and situational. Beliefs are shaped by your experiences, your culture, and your community.
Although I was late to the natural hair movement, when I discovered it in 2013, I thought I had found the golden grail. All I needed to do was co-wash my tresses, use protective styles, and take some hair vitamins, and I too could have thick curly hair. All of my hair problems would be solved.
I truly believe that you can’t be free if you are working for someone else. (And you all know how important freedom is to me.) As I have gotten older, my side hustles have helped me have more freedom with my finances, time, and travel.
My definition of minimalism is simple: it is the art of needing less. Less clothes. Less shoes. Less space. And less from the external environment to make you happy. It’s creating a life that isn’t driven by the pursuit of things, but instead is driven by purpose, happiness, and love.
As millennials, we reject conventional wisdom. We create lives that are built around our lifestyles of traveling, food, family and fun. Not around our careers. We want to live our dream lives now, not when we retire.
I am an addict. I have textbook addiction. According to the American Society of Addiction Medicine, addiction is characterized by the inability to consistently abstain, impairment in behavioral control, cravings, a diminished recognition of significant problems with one’s behaviors and interpersonal relationships, and a dysfunctional emotional response. Yep, that’s me.
What I didn’t realize then, is that by not quitting, I was failing. I was failing to put myself first. I was failing to follow my dreams. I was failing at having enough confidence to walk in my own path. I had to learn the difference between necessary and unnecessary quitting.